My Top 20 Embarrassing ’90s Videos

Man, were the ’90s really 20 years ago already? Yup, they sure were! Now, I’ve been paying special attention to Pitchfork’s nostalgia trip, but I get the keen sense that they’ve obliterated the true gems from this list. What do I mean? I’m talking about the sappy nonsense that all children of the ’90s got sucked into in the days before the O.C. You know, the songs they ask people about in that 5-10-15-20 feature they do from time to time. Where’s the embarrassing stuff that we know you all loved as kids? You weren’t listening to Olivia Tremor Control during puberty, were you?

I’ve compiled the twenty songs I was most likely to belt out when they came on the radio, whether I was doing farm chores or I was feeling sorry for myself somewhere else. There were a few from the late ’80s that nearly made the list; wish I could’ve put the B-52s on here, as I feel like they’re disjoint from history at this point and I loved them so very much.

Please bear in mind that I don’t mean that these songs are embarrassing in and of themselves. Rather, I think these songs are emblematic of what’s likely the most vulnerable ten years of my life, a decade that covers my junior high years, my year abroad, and college. It was a rough ten years!

Watch the videos after the jump.

Gin Blossoms — “Hey Jealousy”

This song reminds me of my first job. I worked at a snack bar with a bunch of cute girls. I would never date any of them, but this song made me feel like we’d just broken off a very fun summer fling. Too bad the only thing I did wrong was not asking them out.

Edwin McCain — “I’ll Be”

You mean to tell me you didn’t have a moment in your college years, say, sophomore year, when you believed in heroic love? I did and I still crank this tune up from time to time to remember just how painful it was.

Primitive Radio Gods — “Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth with Money in My Hand”

Yeah, the song from the Cable Guy soundtrack got me. Who knew I could be so moved by a dark Matthew Broderick-Jim Carrey buddy picture. This is not the way anyone should learn about Muddy Waters.

Counting Crows — “‘Round Here”

That line about “the contrast of white on white” resonated with me. It’s no good being proto-emo romantic in a town that had Klan recruitment at the main intersection in town after school let out. This should’ve been the class song. Instead we got “Forever Young.”

Vanessa Williams — ” Save the Best for Last”

Was 1992 the year junk broke, too? This song would get me misty eyed back when, but that may have just been the ammonia from cleaning the barn.

Goo Goo Dolls — “Iris”

The song that proved to me everyone’s an idiot in college. I still wince when I think about how earnestly I sang this in the car with friends. You’d think I wore a french-braid pigtails back then.

Sunscreem — “Love U More”

I blame WDRE for this one. I’m going to guess it was a Shriek of the Week. (I checked. It wasn’t.) The lyrics are awful, I know. She can’t really sing, either. Maybe I thought David Gahan sang falsetto on this one?

Jewel — “Foolish Games”

The first of two songs from different Batman soundtracks. This became the theme to a short-lived college relationship. Yes, I may blog as J T. Ramsay, but I’ve really been Bruce Wayne the entire time. From Jewel’s kabuki Paula Cole period.

Seal — “Kiss From a Rose”

Ever leave home for a faraway place and stay there for a year? You’ll end up liking stuff like this, at least for a little while.

U2 — “Acrobat”

Actually read lyrics from this for a poetry assignment in high school. Probably omitted the oral sex reference. Would’ve probably earned me a suspension.

Eric Clapton — “Tears in Heaven”

Remember when people got cassettes? This was one of my first. I tried convincing myself that his Unplugged set was vital to the under-18 crowd. I was a teenage rockist, but then again, who wasn’t back then? Would you believe I this song appeal to my goth sensibilities? It was like an easy-listening accompaniment to the Crow!

Spin Doctors — “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong”

The Spin Doctors are a scourge future generations simply won’t understand, but who didn’t own this ill-conceived demo tape of an album? Not for nothing, but it exemplifies what people hated about CDs in the early days. One or two “good” songs and a ton of filler. What I don’t understand about this album was how “How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me?)” didn’t become a single.

R.E.M. — “Nightswimming”

Yes, this one. I know it got Pitchfork’s seal of approval and that it’s a fan favorite, but singing this tune — nay shouting it at the top of your lungs in the car while you drive around the reservoir wondering why you just don’t fit in — ranks among the most painful memories of my youth. If I’d just listened to the Lemonheads and danced more I might’ve felt better.

Duncan Sheik — “Barely Breathing”

If this isn’t a white power ballad, I don’t know what is. This is the music white people think characterizes their relationships when they’ve reached college because they want to be swept off their feet, when really it’s music for divorcees who’re just looking for what’s next. Ever wonder what Elliott Smith would’ve sounded like had he gotten help?

Coolio — “Gangsta’s Paradise”

Coolio’s “Gangsta Paradise” was the big club hit during my year in Denmark. In my host town, my friends believed this captured the essence of the American youth experience. I never  learned the right word for “backwater” to describe mine.

The Smiths — “William It Was Really Nothing”

I sometimes thought I could hit those falsetto notes back then. I immersed myself in the Smiths Vol. 1 thanks to the BMG music club with disastrous results.

Ben Folds Five — “Brick”

Ben Folds was the house music of the 2nd and 3rd floors of my building sophomore year. I once stepped over a guy moping to it in the stairwell. I have just as hard a time understanding how this got so popular as I do Seven Mary Three.

Frente! — “Labor of Love”

I still laugh when I think about how fun this song was. Has anyone coined Jewel-core to describe this music? An aside: who will atone for Joan Osborne? How they got away with that New Order cover remains a mystery.

Natalie Imbruglia — “Torn”

This song was the alternate soundtrack to a hellacious summer. I was working at a damaged grocery warehouse and driving 110 miles roundtrip for rowing practices after work. Pretty much destroyed my ’94 Dodge Shadow. When I wasn’t listening to Pearl Jam non-stop — I went on binges with that band — I was completely taken with this song, just like everyone else.

Boyz II Men — “End of the Road”

Can’t tell you how many times I would put down my pitchfork to belt a few strains from this song. Yeah, that’s a literal pitchfork. I was cleaning stables that summer like Hercules. It was a brutal summer punctuated by an eclectic mix. Pretty sure I was cleaning a sheep pen when I first heard Pavement’s “Cut Yr Hair,” too.