Like many guys my age, R.E.M. was the band that helped me through that awkward phase, i.e. my entire life in every aspect from the time I was 11 until my mid-twenties. Their lyrics described almost every feeling I could feel; that ambiguity, that discomfort, that uncertainty of being myself. It all began when my elementary school buddies started making fun of “Stand,” and it didn’t stop until grad school. I would borrow a swim teammate’s tape of “Green” and listen nonstop on road trips and I kept listening until the afternoon I bought “Reveal” at Rocks in Your Head in SoHo.
My fandom crystallized in the fall of ’95, when I watched this performance of “Wake Up Bomb” at the MTV Europe Music Awards while I was on exchange in Denmark.
That to me was their apotheosis of cool. This band not only soundtracked that portion of my life I found most difficult, but as Michael Stipe embraced the role of archetypal frontman, so did I. Rather than withhold opinions or judgement, I just let it blurt. But as much as I enjoyed Stipe’s transformation to extrovert, songs like this one still give me chills:
I still think “Country Feedback” is the quintessential R.E.M. song, what with its false starts and longing, its mood and tone. Those sentiments hit me where I lived for most of my adolescence and I imagine I’m not alone in thinking that when people remember R.E.M., their memories will always be encumbered by the gauzy wistfulness that envelops that time of my life.
I’m in the camp that wishes they called it quits on New Year’s Eve 1999. It would’ve been fitting. Even with a toddling Internet, that was news that I heard in the hinterlands through publications and rumor and I was ready for them to walk away after wrapping the “Up” tour. That knowledge made it urgent that I see them once before they quit so I bought tickets and caught them in Camden (setlist here), where I watched people talk through “Pilgrimage,” thus ending my belief that R.E.M. fans were inherently cool. It was a crushing blow and my devotion to the band waned until Reveal, when whatever passion I felt for the band and their music vanished altogether.
R.E.M. were a gateway to independent music to me as I grew up in the sticks in a town where the Klan rallied at the main intersection while the school bus drove me home. Put another way, I can remember the “modern rock” radio format! It’s hard to believe there was a time when there weren’t infinite choices, but growing up, bands like R.E.M., the Cure, the Smiths and even U2 kept me sane until the pop punk explosion happened and geek culture went a little more mainstream. Can you believe I was once asked if I was a hip-hopper or a punk at school because I wore a 49ers beanie while wearing a used cardigan? That happened!
Lest it sound like I’m a disappointed fan, R.E.M. don’t owe me a thing. I can’t think of another band that so enriched my life. I daresay their music protected me from more serious hurts as I came of age in the ’90s. They didn’t abandon me as Nirvana did when I was still a vulnerable kid looking for meaning. They wrote songs that I found pertinent to nearly every situation and their earnestness was perfect for a kid who didn’t need more sarcasm in his life. Thanks for so many amazing songs including this one that gave me comfort when I was lonely in Denmark that dark, rainy autumn.
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