My Top 20 Embarrassing ’90s Videos

Man, were the ’90s real­ly 20 years ago already? Yup, they sure were! Now, I’ve been pay­ing spe­cial atten­tion to Pitch­fork’s nos­tal­gia trip, but I get the keen sense that they’ve oblit­er­at­ed the true gems from this list. What do I mean? I’m talk­ing about the sap­py non­sense that all chil­dren of the ’90s got sucked into in the days before the O.C. You know, the songs they ask peo­ple about in that 5–10-15–20 fea­ture they do from time to time. Where’s the embar­rass­ing stuff that we know you all loved as kids? You weren’t lis­ten­ing to Olivia Tremor Con­trol dur­ing puber­ty, were you?

I’ve com­piled the twen­ty songs I was most like­ly to belt out when they came on the radio, whether I was doing farm chores or I was feel­ing sor­ry for myself some­where else. There were a few from the late ’80s that near­ly made the list; wish I could’ve put the B‑52s on here, as I feel like they’re dis­joint from his­to­ry at this point and I loved them so very much.

Please bear in mind that I don’t mean that these songs are embar­rass­ing in and of them­selves. Rather, I think these songs are emblem­at­ic of what’s like­ly the most vul­ner­a­ble ten years of my life, a decade that cov­ers my junior high years, my year abroad, and col­lege. It was a rough ten years!

Watch the videos after the jump.

Gin Blos­soms — “Hey Jealousy”

This song reminds me of my first job. I worked at a snack bar with a bunch of cute girls. I would nev­er date any of them, but this song made me feel like we’d just bro­ken off a very fun sum­mer fling. Too bad the only thing I did wrong was not ask­ing them out.

Edwin McCain — “I’ll Be”

You mean to tell me you did­n’t have a moment in your col­lege years, say, sopho­more year, when you believed in hero­ic love? I did and I still crank this tune up from time to time to remem­ber just how painful it was.

Prim­i­tive Radio Gods — “Stand­ing Out­side a Bro­ken Phone­booth with Mon­ey in My Hand”

Yeah, the song from the Cable Guy sound­track got me. Who knew I could be so moved by a dark Matthew Brod­er­ick-Jim Car­rey bud­dy pic­ture. This is not the way any­one should learn about Mud­dy Waters.

Count­ing Crows — “ ‘Round Here”

That line about “the con­trast of white on white” res­onat­ed with me. It’s no good being pro­to-emo roman­tic in a town that had Klan recruit­ment at the main inter­sec­tion in town after school let out. This should’ve been the class song. Instead we got “For­ev­er Young.”

Vanes­sa Williams — ” Save the Best for Last”

Was 1992 the year junk broke, too? This song would get me misty eyed back when, but that may have just been the ammo­nia from clean­ing the barn.

Goo Goo Dolls — “Iris”

The song that proved to me every­one’s an idiot in col­lege. I still wince when I think about how earnest­ly I sang this in the car with friends. You’d think I wore a french-braid pig­tails back then.

Sun­screem — “Love U More”

I blame WDRE for this one. I’m going to guess it was a Shriek of the Week. (I checked. It was­n’t.) The lyrics are awful, I know. She can’t real­ly sing, either. Maybe I thought David Gahan sang falset­to on this one?

Jew­el — “Fool­ish Games”

The first of two songs from dif­fer­ent Bat­man sound­tracks. This became the theme to a short-lived col­lege rela­tion­ship. Yes, I may blog as J T. Ram­say, but I’ve real­ly been Bruce Wayne the entire time. From Jew­el’s kabu­ki Paula Cole period.

Seal — “Kiss From a Rose”

Ever leave home for a far­away place and stay there for a year? You’ll end up lik­ing stuff like this, at least for a lit­tle while.

U2 — “Acro­bat”

Actu­al­ly read lyrics from this for a poet­ry assign­ment in high school. Prob­a­bly omit­ted the oral sex ref­er­ence. Would’ve prob­a­bly earned me a suspension.

Eric Clap­ton — “Tears in Heaven”

Remem­ber when peo­ple got cas­settes? This was one of my first. I tried con­vinc­ing myself that his Unplugged set was vital to the under-18 crowd. I was a teenage rock­ist, but then again, who was­n’t back then? Would you believe I this song appeal to my goth sen­si­bil­i­ties? It was like an easy-lis­ten­ing accom­pa­ni­ment to the Crow!

Spin Doc­tors — “Lit­tle Miss Can’t Be Wrong”

The Spin Doc­tors are a scourge future gen­er­a­tions sim­ply won’t under­stand, but who did­n’t own this ill-con­ceived demo tape of an album? Not for noth­ing, but it exem­pli­fies what peo­ple hat­ed about CDs in the ear­ly days. One or two “good” songs and a ton of filler. What I don’t under­stand about this album was how “How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me?)” did­n’t become a single.

R.E.M. — “Nightswim­ming”

Yes, this one. I know it got Pitch­fork’s seal of approval and that it’s a fan favorite, but singing this tune — nay shout­ing it at the top of your lungs in the car while you dri­ve around the reser­voir won­der­ing why you just don’t fit in — ranks among the most painful mem­o­ries of my youth. If I’d just lis­tened to the Lemon­heads and danced more I might’ve felt better.

Dun­can Sheik — “Bare­ly Breathing”

If this isn’t a white pow­er bal­lad, I don’t know what is. This is the music white peo­ple think char­ac­ter­izes their rela­tion­ships when they’ve reached col­lege because they want to be swept off their feet, when real­ly it’s music for divorcees who’re just look­ing for what’s next. Ever won­der what Elliott Smith would’ve sound­ed like had he got­ten help?

Coo­lio — “Gangsta’s Paradise”

Coo­lio’s “Gangs­ta Par­adise” was the big club hit dur­ing my year in Den­mark. In my host town, my friends believed this cap­tured the essence of the Amer­i­can youth expe­ri­ence. I nev­er  learned the right word for “back­wa­ter” to describe mine.

The Smiths — “William It Was Real­ly Nothing”

I some­times thought I could hit those falset­to notes back then. I immersed myself in the Smiths Vol. 1 thanks to the BMG music club with dis­as­trous results.

Ben Folds Five — “Brick”

Ben Folds was the house music of the 2nd and 3rd floors of my build­ing sopho­more year. I once stepped over a guy mop­ing to it in the stair­well. I have just as hard a time under­stand­ing how this got so pop­u­lar as I do Sev­en Mary Three.

Frente! — “Labor of Love”

I still laugh when I think about how fun this song was. Has any­one coined Jew­el-core to describe this music? An aside: who will atone for Joan Osborne? How they got away with that New Order cov­er remains a mystery.

Natal­ie Imbruglia — “Torn”

This song was the alter­nate sound­track to a hel­la­cious sum­mer. I was work­ing at a dam­aged gro­cery ware­house and dri­ving 110 miles roundtrip for row­ing prac­tices after work. Pret­ty much destroyed my ’94 Dodge Shad­ow. When I was­n’t lis­ten­ing to Pearl Jam non-stop — I went on binges with that band — I was com­plete­ly tak­en with this song, just like every­one else.

Boyz II Men — “End of the Road”

Can’t tell you how many times I would put down my pitch­fork to belt a few strains from this song. Yeah, that’s a lit­er­al pitch­fork. I was clean­ing sta­bles that sum­mer like Her­cules. It was a bru­tal sum­mer punc­tu­at­ed by an eclec­tic mix. Pret­ty sure I was clean­ing a sheep pen when I first heard Pave­men­t’s “Cut Yr Hair,” too.